Tag Archive | humour

Today’s Lesson: the dictation tool on a Google tablet cannot cope with interviews

Today is the day that I start transcribing my ongoing interviews for my doctoral research.

I decided to see whether the dictation tool on my Nexus 7 could cope with transcribing the audio for me. This is what happened (in this snippet I was reading out the preliminaries before formally beginning the interview):

In my head in hole what’s the point i am at the dialogue my questions

It’s all about hair and natural history in there an app to make sure sarah sits and should you wish i had a letter from essex information and chest hair should you need it the first time is the state of the art of public asian per smith beaman club youtube data so late did you cancel but and i will not use your name ellesse you later 2013 directions so you can tell people to say all the users and computers yeah anderson is a good home north staffs am 4 saenz know that this is von tree and if you wish to withdraw a point on wye and up to 1 month after today if you later scared of that 70 um ok after that point out with weaver send that reasonable cost i will still not call you maybe if you actually know yet and this is lancaster university tf2 again ok and the other thing together and form. The phone and it says that there have the right to draw write a question for you transcription and again and maximum temperature 16 hold on to your kids are just in case 17

Well, there was no harm in trying, eh? :)

Heaven, by Rupert Brooke

HEAVEN

by: Rupert Brooke (1887-1915)

Found at http://www.poetry-archive.com/b/heaven.html

FISH (fly-replete, in depth of June,
Dawdling away their wat’ry noon)
Ponder deep wisdom, dark or clear,
Each secret fishy hope or fear.
Fish say, they have their Stream and Pond;
But is there anything Beyond?
This life cannot be All, they swear,
For how unpleasant, if it were!
One may not doubt that, somehow, Good
Shall come of Water and of Mud;
And, sure, the reverent eye must see
A Purpose in Liquidity.
We darkly know, by Faith we cry,
The future is not Wholly Dry.
Mud unto mud! — Death eddies near —
Not here the appointed End, not here!
But somewhere, beyond Space and Time.
Is wetter water, slimier slime!
And there (they trust) there swimmeth One
Who swam ere rivers were begun,
Immense, of fishy form and mind,
Squamous, omnipotent, and kind;
And under that Almighty Fin,
The littlest fish may enter in.
Oh! never fly conceals a hook,
Fish say, in the Eternal Brook,
But more than mundane weeds are there,
And mud, celestially fair;
Fat caterpillars drift around,
And Paradisal grubs are found;
Unfading moths, immortal flies,
And the worm that never dies.
And in that Heaven of all their wish,
There shall be no more land, say fish

Why God never received a PhD…

A friend posted this in a Facebook group, and I had to share. I have no idea of the source, so I am quite happy to remove/add a credit if anyone can fill me in.

I’m afraid I am still in the midst of writing a final conference paper, but once that is done I shall be back… and probably post the papers in blogified form is anyone is interested.

Image

A Funny for You

The month of September was a manic month. 180 emails had built up in my inbox… I have been attending conferences, applying for PhDs, and getting a number of secret projects under way…

Things are becoming a bit more routine now, and as such I am working through various articles that I have flagged up for blogging. Before I start, however, I discovered this image which made me chuckle. A lot.

Hopefully my posts will increase in profundity as October goes on…

Today I have mostly been learning about… “bullshit”

The name of this post echoes my previous, much longer post entitled Today I have mostly been learning about… “Fuck”. However, it would be somewhat of a lie to say that I had been spending most of my day on this…

As you’ll see from the citation, this was from a book on Qualitative Methods. However, it amused and intrigued me… and thanks to my amazing OCR software and scanner, this took little effort. So without further ado, enjoy learning a bit about ‘bullshit’:

Bullshit in the outback

Of all the definitions of ‘bullshit’ read so far, I’ve yet to find one that discusses the source himself, the bull. I’m speaking from many years experience of working with, and observing, wild cattle in our far north. Like the males of other animal species, wild bulls often fight over harem rights. Typically they go through a display routine something akin to ‘come any closer, and I’ll punch your lights out!’.There’s a lot of bluffing, swaggering, mouthing off, and literally bullshitting. The process might go on for minutes or hours, but all the while the bulls are constantly dribbling shit from the back end and paddling it around with their tail. You can always tell when a bull is in fighting mode because his arse-end is smothered in green slime. They circle around each other with their noses down, pawing up as much dust as they can (think ‘bulldust’), bawling each other out and sniffing at each other’s shit. Does that sound like some academic discussions you’ve witnessed! The point is, the issue of who wins is most often settled in these preliminaries. The process might go on for a while, but one or the other has already conquered, without the potential danger of actually locking horns. One short rush and it’s all over. In conversations among the stockmen, use of the term ‘bullshit’ was almost invariably in this context. If someone was suspected of bluffing/boasting/overstating their ability to ride, root, drink or fight, then he was ‘full of bullshit’ or ‘bullshitting’ or simply dismissed with ‘Ahh bullshit!’. (Eric Whittle personal communication, 2006)

From Silverman, D., 2007. A Very Short, Fairly Interesting and Reasonably Cheap Book About Qualitative Research, Los Angeles, Calif: SAGE, p. 122.

Cows and Fish… Atheists and the Church… and Abortions?

Proper blog posts are still a long way off… but here is a selection of interesting things I have spotted on the internet over the past week or so:

A worrying discussion about abortion in the state of Kansas.

A church that mistakenly advertised for an atheistic organisation

Another atheist complains about an infringement on church-state separation in the US.

Apparently fish can use tools!!!! Does this cause any ‘vegetarians’ who eat fish to reconsider their position?

Understanding the current situation in the Middle East… with cows. My personal favourites are:

Palestine
You had two cows that were lost decades ago. Lament them.

Israel
You have two bulls. Pretend they are helpless calves.

And finally, the periodic table of atheists… chuckle.

Enjoy!

 

 

A Politically Correct Christmas Greeting

The following provided much hilarity over Christmas lunch. Typically, it is one of those chain-type-emails where no-one knows the author… whoever it was, they made me chuckle!

Thanks to Josh for sending this along (and making some grammatical corrections).

From the author (“the wishor”) to you (hereinafter called “the wishee”),

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, the wishor’s best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter holiday; practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:

  1. This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
  2. This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
  3. This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
  4. This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  5. This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
  6. The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
  7. Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged

Yours sincerely

The wishor